Bad Luck Black Money Page 5

  Fearing that this was the end, Junior's life flashed before his eyes. If he hadn't already urinated, his bladder would have emptied at that moment. For a full two minutes, Noi unleashed her rage upon him. Every time she punched him in the kidneys, his whole body would spasm.

  Just when he thought it was over, Noi grabbed him by the hair of his head and dragged him toward the kicked-in door. He wouldn't have thought that she could manhandle his heavy body so easily, but she did. He grabbed her hands, which were full of his hair, trying to ease the pressure on his scalp. However, when he did, he left his private parts open for attack. Noi pivoted on one foot and used her other foot to smash down in-between Junior's legs. Junior projectile vomited a couple of times then fell unconscious.

  When Junior awoke, he was on Noi's bed in her high-rise condo. There was a man in a white coat with a stethoscope hanging around his neck, looking down at Junior.

  "What... what's going on? Where am I?" asked Junior.

  "It's OK," answered Noi, who was standing on the other side of the doctor. "You are going to be just fine. Right doctor?"

  "Yes, you are a lucky man," said the doctor as he removed his stethoscope and put it in a doctor's black, leather bag. "Usually, street thugs will finish you off if they beat you this badly. If your wife hadn't scared them away, you'd be dead right now."

  "Street thugs?" asked Junior as a wave of pain swept over him.

  "Yeah, you remember the guys who beat you up, right?" Noi asked in a tone that was more like an order than a question.

  "... Ah... yes, of course," Junior weakly mumbled.

  The doctor turned to Noi and said, "I will come back this evening to check up on him. Make sure he doesn't leave the bed or move around too much."

  "Thank you, doctor," Noi said. "I am going to watch him every second."

  "You are very lucky to have a good wife like Noi,” the doctor said to Junior. Then the doctor patted him on the leg and left the condo, closing the door behind him.

  "... What really happened, Noi?" Junior feebly asked.

  "You don't remember?"

  "Well, I remember you beating me and then kicking me in the balls."

  "Whoa, wait a second, husband. You made me kick your ass. Do you think I like having to punish you like that?"

  Junior closed his eyes and thought about what his answer should be, then said, "What did I do so wrong?"

  "Oh, so now you're going to play dumb. You go hide in the bathroom and lock the door so I can't come in. What did you think was going to happen?"

  "... Honestly, I just locked the door out of habit. All my life I've locked the door whenever I went to the bathroom. I didn't mean anything by it."

  "I bet you won't do it again; will you?"

  "No, Noi. As a matter of fact, I'm going to ask your permission before I even take a piss from now on."

  "Language, language!" scolded Noi as she lightly slapped him on the face. "I won't have a husband who speaks like a nasty sailor."

  Stunned a little by the slap and realizing that he was utterly helpless, at the moment, Junior said, "I'm sorry. Please, don't hit me anymore."

  "I only hit you because I love you. You have to learn how to be good and not naughty."

  "May, I ask you a question?" asked Junior.

  "Of course, I'm your wife. You can ask me anything. I love you."

  "I, I love you, too.... Why can I barely move? You couldn't have done this much damage to me."

  "He-he," laughed Noi. "So, you think I'm a dainty, Asian flower? I'm not capable of fighting you?"

  "Oh, goodness, no!" said Junior with a cough. "I know you could kill me at will. It's just that I'm in some serious pain here, and I went unconscious after just a couple of minutes.... Did I go into spasms and hit my head on something?"

  "Dear, dear, husband," Noi said as she gently straightened his hair with her fingertips. "Just because you blackout, doesn't mean the beating is over.

  You made me really mad. So mad, that I couldn't stop beating you.... Don't you want to apologize for making me so mad?"

  For a few seconds, Junior was totally speechless. Then he said the only thing that he could say, under the circumstances. "... I'm... sorry."

  "That's OK, I forgive you, Junior....

  After you vomited, I punched and kicked you for several more minutes.... And you know it's your own fault; don't you?"

  "... Yes, I’m sorry."

  "I forgive you," Noi said as she gently brushed his cheek with the back of her hand.

  "I'm kind of scared to ask, but why... why does my butt hurt so much?"

  "Ha!" laughed Noi loudly. "You think I did some prison-sex stuff to you?"

  "No, it's not that. It's just that my bottom is killing me."

  "Funny, I thought it would have been your penis and testicles that would be causing you the most pain," said Noi as she pulled the sheet off of him like a magician pulling the tablecloth from a set table.

  For the first time since regaining consciousness, Junior saw the damage done to his body. He was literally black and blue from the chest down. His penis was in a cast and had a catheter coming out of it. His testicles had swollen to the size of large oranges.

  Junior's body was so sore and stiff that he couldn't even recoil from the sight of this abomination. All he could do is cry. And cry he did, but not in a normal sad way. No, he cried the hopeless wails of a freshman in hell.

  "What are you doing?" Noi asked. "You are going to be fine. I promise you."

  Junior heard her comforting words, but he couldn't stop crying.

  "You, big baby," Noi scolded, as she got a tissue to wipe the tears rolling down his face. "I didn't even break a single bone. You really should thank me."

  After catching his breath in-between bouts of a crying jag, Junior managed to squeak out, "I, I, I, I'm so... sor... sorrrry. Thank, you."

  "That's OK, Junior. I forgive you. Now, can you quit crying?"

  "I... I'll, I'll try..."

  "The doctor says you'll have a full recovery. You've just been tenderized, a little bit.

  I bet I know what you're crying about.... You're worried that you won't be able to please me anymore. Well, don't fret, your man parts still work. After the swelling goes down, of course, and after the cast comes off your penis.

  ... Would you like to know how I broke your penis?"

  "No, no, please, don't tell me anymore," begged Junior. "I don't want to know."

  "OK," said Noi as she picked up a bottle of pills from the nightstand. "Are you in much pain?"

  "Yes, pain like I've never known before."

  "Would you like a pain pill?"

  "Yes, please, yes."

  "I don't know.... You might not learn your lesson if you don't suffer some more."

  In too much pain to talk anymore, Junior just whined like a starving dog for a bowl of food.

  Shaking the bottle of pills like a baby's rattle, Noi said, "Tell you what. I'm going to let you have one of these. It'll help you rest, but we'll dole out each pill on an 'as needed' basis. I won't be married to a junkie."

  "... Oh, please," whispered Junior as tears started flowing from his eyes again.

  "Open up," demanded Noi.

  Junior opened his mouth, and she placed a pill upon his tongue. Noi then opened a bottle of water and drank a swallow. She then took another and sloshed it around in her mouth, as if, she was using mouthwash. Leaning over the bed so that her face was almost touching Junior's face, she spat into his mouth, which provided him with enough fluid to easily swallow the pill down.

  Noi covered Junior's battered body with the sheet, which she'd just ripped off the bed, while Junior closed his eyes to sleep. He could feel her presence at his side and intuitively knew she was going to watch him sleep for a long while.

  Before the narcotics in the pain pill kicked in, Junior's mind raced to find a solution to his woman problem. "I can't move, so I can't run away. And even if I could run, she'd eventually catch me then torture me. I can't
buy her off because she already has access to my bank accounts. I could try to kill her when I feel better, but then again, she's some sort of ninja freak and would probably disarm me then torture me. I could call for help, but nobody would believe my story then she'd torture me.... Shit....

  There's no way out of this. It's a horror movie that just won't end. If she'd just kill me and get it over with, it wouldn't be so bad. But this crazy bitch likes to hurt me.... I'm FUBAR! (fucked up beyond all repair)

  The only thing I can do is knuckle under. When she says jump, I ask, 'how high?' She's the master; I'm the slave. No, I'm not even a slave. Slaves have value. I'm her freakin' lap dog.... Shit."

  Chapter 7

  For two solid months, Junior was bedridden. Stuck in bed with nothing much to do but think, he devised a plan to get even with his beautiful captor.

  Since Noi was obsessed with knowing his every movement, then he'd make it a point to be right at her heels, twenty-four seven. The best of friendships and blood relations can be broken asunder when familiarity breeds hostility. Benjamin Franklin said it best, "Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days." Junior couldn't wait to see how she liked it when the shoe was on the other foot.

  However, the thing Junior hadn't counted on was that Noi reveled in the attention. When she went to the kitchen, he followed her. When she exercised, Junior was right there with a towel to soak up her sweat. When she went grocery shopping, he was right by her side, holding her hand, and looking at the ground like a shy child. All of the stares from other people didn't seem to bother her in the least.

  Realizing that his plan wasn't working, Junior decided to turn up the heat. That night when he had to pee at three in the morning, he woke Noi up and asked her to come to the bathroom with him. To his horror, she not only agreed, but also congratulated him for being such a 'good husband', and then said that he should always ask for her to accompany him to the bathroom.

  While lying in bed later that night with Noi's head on his chest, her arms around his waist, and one of her legs wrapped over his legs, he came to an awful, sobering conclusion. He had taken a bad situation and made it much, much worse.

  The next morning as Noi fried some egg whites, while happily singing a Thai song, Junior looked longingly into the living room. If he was to get up from his seat at the kitchen table and walk over to the couch to watch television without his wife's permission, she might beat the living daylights out of him. Not so long ago, he had the relative freedom to wander around the condo on his own. But now, thanks to his stupid plan to get on Noi's nerves, he had lost what tiny amount of independence that he had once possessed.

  A few days later Noi received a phone call from her old boss, Prince Abdul. Junior couldn't help but eavesdrop on the conversation since he was massaging Noi's feet at the time. Abdul had arranged for Noi's sister to talk with her via web cam after Abdul discussed some business with his brother, Prince Nalaheb, on Thursday of the following week.

  Noi watched as Junior kept kneading her feet for a few moments after the call ended. She then said, "Did you hear about my sister calling next Thursday?"

  "Yes," answered Junior as he dutifully kept massaging.

  "I'll have to go down to Club Swish.... Do you want to come along?"

  Well aware, that her question could be a trap, Junior said, "I want to do whatever makes you happy."

  Noi slipped her feet out of Junior's hands and pulled him close to her. She looked deep into his eyes and said, "That is a very bad place. There are whores in every nook and cranny of the place. I don't want you defiled.... You have been turning into a better man since I had to beat you."

  "... You can leave me here. I promise I won't do anything that would make you mad. Honest!"

  "Maybe, I should call and cancel. Tell Prince Abdul that I can't go down there on Thursday."

  Taking Noi's hands in his own, Junior said, "You need to talk with your sister... our sister. It’s been a long time since you last spoke to her. She needs you."

  "Yes, but you need me, too. And you've been so good lately that it would break my heart if I had to punish you again."

  Junior involuntarily winced at the thought of another beating, and responded, "You won't have to. I learned my lesson. I'll just sit on the couch and watch sports until you return."

  "But you'd be so lonely without me here. I'm only thinking about your well-being."

  Junior opened his mouth to say something then thought better of it. Everything he did only seemed to make matters worse, so shutting up seemed the best thing to do.

  A minute passed without Noi saying anything. She stared at Junior, as if trying to read his inner thoughts. Finally, she relaxed and said, "Maybe, you can wait in the car, while I go inside and talk to Nok. How does that sound?"

  "It sounds good, IF you think it's OK," said Junior as he picked up Noi's feet and started massaging them again.

  "I'll slip the doorman a hundred, so he can keep an eye on you," Noi said as she closed her eyes, relaxing, enjoying the foot massage.

  A champion poker player, who was sitting at the final table, would have shown more emotion than Junior did at that moment. Inside, he was doing cartwheels at the thought

  of being apart from his wife for even a few, precious minutes. But if the joy in his heart made its way to his face and Noi was to see it, then the perfect feet, which he was holding, might turn into the weapons of his own destruction.

  The days between "the phone call" and the date of his temporary liberation, dragged on slower than a snail on Valium tm. Although it didn't seem possible, Junior was even more attentive to Noi's every whim than ever before. He knew the slightest mistake could cause Noi to change her fickle mind and renege on her scheduled web chat.

  Riding in Noi's red, BMW convertible, Junior felt shell-shocked. Within the next five minutes, he would watch Noi get out of the car without him and enter her old hunting grounds (a.k.a. Club Swish). He was so used to being with Noi, twenty-four hours a day, that he was actually kind of scared to be away from her.

  Noi parked the car precisely in front of Club Swish's door. She didn't worry about it being towed away because the club had an arrangement with the cops. Any car worth over forty thousand dollars was left alone. No tickets, no theft, no vandalism, Club Swish cars were safer than in a gold brick in Fort Knox.

  "Are you sure, you'll be OK?" asked Noi as she placed her hand on Junior's knee.

  "I'll be good," answered Junior with all the sincerity that he could muster. "I promise."

  Noi rubbed her hands back and forth on his thigh, and said, "I know you will. You've become such a good husband."

  She leaned over, kissed him on the lips, and said, "Now, if you have any problems, I want you to tell the doorman, and he'll come get me. You stay out of that nasty place, understand?"

  "Oh, yes, I understand. I never want to make you mad at me, again."

  "Good boy," said Noi as she got out of the car. She walked up to the muscled giant guarding the door.

  Junior couldn't hear what was being said, since Noi had left the car's top up, windows up, engine on, and air conditioner on. She was being very animated with her hand gestures and pointing a lot toward the car and Junior. Noi handed the giant a hundred dollar bill and pointed her finger right in the doorman's face.

  On a lark, Junior wondered which one would win in a fight. The doorman was easily over three hundred pounds and most of it muscle, but Noi had the quickness and fighting skills of trained assassin.... He'd definitely bet on Noi kicking the guy's ass in under a minute flat.

  Since his terrible beating, Junior had witnessed all of Noi's workout routines. Some days she worked on staying incredibly limber. Her body could stretch and bend in ways only an expert yoga practitioner could. (During sex, she would often twist into pretzel-like positions.)

  On more exhilarating days, Noi would practice her martial arts with Junior. Sometimes, she would command Junior to try to hit her. Reluctantly, he would swing at Noi, only to b
e assaulted by her hands and/or feet, several times before his single punch missed its target. Even though, Noi would hold back the power in her strikes, Junior still felt each hit.

  Other times, Noi would use Junior as a human target. He'd remain perfectly still, while she threw countless blows within an inch of his face, testicles, and everywhere else. Her expertise was such that she could playfully touch his nose with her big toe, snap off a kick at his stomach, and one at his balls, all within one second.

  Deep in thought and alone for the first time in months, Junior almost jumped out of his skin when a knocking sound brought him back to his senses. The huge doorman/bouncer was smiling through the window at Junior and motioning for him to roll the window down. Junior complied.

  "Hey," said the big man.

  "Hello," Junior said.

  "Uh, Noi break dick off?" asked the giant man with a giant smile on his face.

  "... No, she didn't break it off," answered Junior. "She broke it, but it didn't come off. It stayed attached."

  "Ha, ha, ha, she crazy lady."

  Not knowing how to respond, Junior just smiled.

  "No woman cut Gor dick off.... They scared, Gor. I beat woman if she hurt dick. Thailand number one for, for, umh, for cut dick off and sew back on."

  "... That's good to know, Gor. If it happens to me then I'll run to the hospital to get it sewn back on."

  "You crazy guy," Gor said as he nudged Junior in the shoulder with his ham-sized fist. "You have sex all women here. But no, you marry crazy girl here. No more sex for you, ha, ha."

  "Well, you could make that argument. I don't have the best track record with the fairer sex."

  Still laughing, Gor backed away from the car to return to his post. Waving 'goodbye' to Junior, Gor said, "You keep eye on dick. Stay on, no fall off."

  "Thank, you," Junior said as he returned Gor's wave and pressed the button, which rolled up the window. "I'll try."

  Thirty minutes later, Junior was trying to decide if it would be all right to turn on the radio. Noi had all her stations programmed in, and he wouldn't dare change them. But surely, it would be OK to just turn the radio on and listen to whatever was on without her.... He decided that it wasn't worth the risk and just enjoyed being all alone.